Loss

My mother died when I was ten or eleven. I cried once at her funeral and never again after that. My mother died from heart problems from drug abuse. That was not in my control, I understood that and moved on.

I'm so very logical about my emotions. This is why I'm feelings this, this is how I should feel so I'm going to feel this.

Fun fact, emotions aren't logical.

I feel like I lost something and there are no answers. There's no definite reason as to why he likes her more than me. You can not break down when and why and how and make power point slides of reasons 1-50 so my restless brain can calm down.

I'm upset because I felt I did everything right and it wasn't enough. I'm mad because I tried my hardest and dedicated myself to it. I feel stupid because I shouldn't have. I feel jealous because I want to be her.

This is dumb. I hate this. I just wanna talk to you. I realized that I miss your presence. I miss your friendship.

BUT

Until I can get my head and my feelings on the same page. My time with you will be limited. Please bear with me.